What a World
by L'amante
Summary: A tale of unrequited love. How frustrating! If you've ever loved someone who doesn't love you back... this is a story you might relate to. There's not much else to summarize- but I would really appreciate any input/reviews. Thank You! Legolas/OC
1. Chapter 1

"Everytime!" Her voice was harsh, and I felt a sting of guilt. "Everytime!" She repeated. I looked up at her miserably and she was flushed in her anger. "It might have been a lovely afternoon but you always _ruin _everything with your stupid self-pity! I'm tired of your single topic of conversation - Legolas! And your self inflicted pain, my goodness Vera! Enough is enough!" She was pacing in front of me and I was wishing the tree I was sitting against would swallow me up.

"Anira I know." I said. My voice sounded not my own, very far away and strained. She stopped and stared down at me.

"Don't look so misreable." She said in a kinder voice, though still exasperated. "I am sorry for being so mean but your constant talk of your suffering bring surffering onto me. I'm sorry." She sat down in front of me and I just sighed.

"I know I ruin many sunny afternoons... but I really can't help myself." She nodded.

"I know." She said softly. "And I'm more sorry for that."

Anira was my dearest friend.

"So what sall we do, hmm?" I asked, desperatley composing my face into a smile. "To the river?" She had the strangest look on her face.

"No. No, it's no good. You're in one of your moods, and if you don't talk about what you're thinking you're going to be brooding all day. No good will come if you act like you're fine, because you're not. I'm alright with sitting here and listening, though I never can help..." She was very sincere. I felt a surge of relief.

"I'm lucky to have you Anira." I said smiling a weak smile. She laughed.

"You're telling me! We have been best friends for 260 years this April and there's no helping it now." We both smiled hugely. "Now, do begin so we might finish before dark."

"Well today we were walking through the gardens. He was on his way to the archery range and I was on my way to go lay on the East hill and watch clouds, I don't know." She smiled sadly. "I know!" I cried. "The excuses I make to spend ten minutes with him... But anyways - we were talking and laughing and I was so happy ... but then Calanon comes up and it's suddenly as though I'm not there and they go walking along talking and I just fall back Ani because I felt so put out you know." I leaned back against the tree.

"Well you know all men are like that - Legolas is just -" She shook her head.

"I know. There's more. You know that lunch today, I wanted to sit with him of course and we had our seats before the crowd began to come in and I was on his right... Well I get up deciding to go put on a more elegant dress, because you know all the High ups were going to be there... but I come back and - he's pulling the chair I was sitting in out for Maethoriel." Ani frowned.

"Oh! I don't like her." Ani said in a very supportive way...

"Nor do I... but there then she was sitting by him. In the chair I left... But it should have been assumed, I think, that I would return to it! He's thoughtless. So I just go to the farthest end of the table, eat as quickly as I can manage, and left to meet you on the terrace. A wretched day. Besides you of course dear."

"Well on the bright side at least you were invited to dine with all of them! I ate in the kitchen you know." I rolled my eyes.

"You wouldn't have liked it anyways."

"I know, all those pompous people... But Maethoriel huh?" I felt my expression darken.

"Yes. If Legolas wants to eat every lunch from here to eternity with her he can... Though I'd hate every day of my life if that were the case." She nodded.

"Well, how about this : Maethoriel is only a Silvan elf. We Silvan elves are nothing when standing next the Sindar here... "

"Please! If that were true why was she at the lunch? Her family is held in high esteem Ani."

"Only because her father is Top-Guard of the ElvenKing's halls! Chief of security... Vera. You are a Galadriel's niece. You are a Noldor."

"Well it makes no difference... either way. Sindar are friends with Sindar and Silvan with Silvan... there are few exceptions but I see that Maethoriel is one." I felt that wretchedly familiar, horrible feeling of sinking. "I love him with all of myself Ani and it makes no difference because he is Legolas. And yes I am a Noldor! What does that mean?"

"That you're the best!" She said brightly but I glared at her.

"No! That's the kind of thing that makes everything so impossible! I might as well be nothing. My being a Noldor seperates me and Legolas and it's not fair. Why can't all elves view each other as equals? Men think not on our differences. They know us only as elves. But our titles and distinctions that we have among ourselves ruin everything."

"Vera dear. Calm yourself. You work yourself up."

"Yes, with much cause." She looked at me sadly.

"I'm sorry you feel so much about all of this - and I'm sorry Legolas is so stupid sometimes."

"Most times..." She smiled.

"One day he'll learn, or wake up or see or whatever! ... It'll work out."

"How?"

"I don't know, it's a mystery."

"Well that's comforting." She laughed.

"_Well _it's true, I know it. There's nothing else for it! You've ranted and I do hope you feel better."

"I don't."

"Well how's this? Maethoriel is a silly elf and she and Legolas are never going to be together, trust me. That would be ridiculous. Legolas is a dumb man who spends most of his time not thinking... there's nothing else to say. Oh! yes there is - you're looking extra beautiful today." I laughed.

"Thank you! It must be the gown. I wore it for him ... and I was so far away he probably didn't even notice."

"Oh please! That neckline is so low it would be impossible for any man in the room not to!"

"Wow Ani," I laughed as she lept up, pulling me with her. "That's just what I wanted to hear." I was feeling suddenly giddy, and my troubles didn't seem quite so heavy any more. "You're such a fantastic friend."

" Oh I know! I do what I can." She looked up at the sky. "That was a fast chat, considering. Can we to the river now?"

"Yes!" I laughed. "Let's to the river. I'll race you."

And then we were running.

But as I ran I thought, which was never good for me...

I thought about the sheer impossibility of Legolas ever loving me as I did him.

I though of all the forces in the world that were working against my dream.

My heart was so desperate for my love to be requited... My soul really ached.

We reached the river and Ani just continued to run right into the rushing waters, laughing and enjoying the day.

But my day was ruined.

I felt ruined.

I flung myself on the bank and watched, not really seeing.

If only I could win this! Was the thought screaming through my head.

What does it take?

I sighed and covered my face in my hands. The ultimate display of human defeat, that gesture.

What a world.


	2. Chapter 2

"What's this?" I heard the voice that caused my body to flush with sheer adrenaline. I looked up and saw him standing over me, a look of curious interest on his face. "Is there something the matter?" I smiled despite myself.

"Nothing ." The greatest lie I ever told. "What brings you here?" My voice was calm, and I was amazed at how well I could compose myself around him. He shrugged, already having dismissed his interest in my seeming despair...

"A walk to clear my head - too many people talking _at _me today it seems..." He sat beside me and I glanced to see Ani floating away ever so conveniently with the tide. "What about you?" I gestured towards Anira who was bobbing away.

"I wasn't really up for a swim, I guess." He smiled, and I loved that smile. I noted that he was alone. He was always himself when he was alone... none of his guy friends to impress or any of that nonesense. He picked at a piece of grass.

"How were the clouds this morning?" I felt a thrill in my stomach - amazed that he remembered our time together before.

"Beautiful." I sighed, looking out over the sparkling waters so he couldn't see the gravity of that answer in my expression.

"What I want to know is why you didn't go to the range." I looked back at him and he was smiling a sort of challenging smile.

"My arm is sore from being closed in the gate door..."

"Oh that!" He chuckled. "I said I was sorry - but it was a race afterall and I didn't mean for you to reach out like that..."

"It's alright." I said, blissfully content that he was here, and that he was taking note of me and our past time together... "I should be back at the range tomorrow. But my upper arms are always getting hurt it seems, so easily too."

"Delicate." He smirked, and I smiled. "But yes - tomorrow then I'll show you how it's done."

"Please Legolas, I can out shoot you any day of the week."

"Oh you think so?" He laughed.

"Yes, I won the last contest you know."

"By one shot and I had just had my arm cut open by a goblin, so you'll have to excuse me on that."

"My victory more than likely inspired you to shut my arm in that door..." He threw his arms up.

"Uh! Right! You win one time by chance and now you're weaving conspiracies. Ever heard of coincidence?"

"I've beaten you before Legolas."

"Not at shooting. Sometimes it's better to be lucky than good."

"Hmm, maybe. But I think it's the best to be both. Which I am!" He smirked.

"So which quality were you displaying when Thalion asked you to dance?" I stared at him feeling raw indignation.

"Excuse me?" I said coolly.

"Wednesday at the Ball when he came and asked you to dance - I saw. I saw how graceful you were..."

I had not been graceful in the slightest.

Thalion happened to be one of the handsomest elves residing in Mirkwood, and one of its top warriors at that - I hadn't expected to dance really, and when he had asked I guess I panicked a little because I was wretched. I stepped to quickly, turned the wrong way and hardly looked at him. My face was red with embarassment the whole time. Legolas had pushed a button. I felt anger rising to overtake indignation.

"Really? Is your pride so injured at my having beat you that you must injure my pride so that you can feel better about yourself?"

"You were the one talking about how you're lucky _and _good and I am only reminding you that maybe that isn't the case."

"I don't believe it." I muttered turning to face forward.

Men! Legolas was not the most considerate, and oftentimes he didn't think at all.

This one was too personal. Have some class, I wanted to say. But I was beyond words, really.

"Oh come one!" He said sounding exasperated. "Are you really mad?"

It wasn't fair that things like this had to happen.

"Yes, I am. Why do you do these things all the time?"

"What?" I spun to face him.

"You never think, you say stupid things, and could you be a little more rude please? I don't think I've been insulted enough." I stood then and looked down at him, feeling my eyes fill with their dark fire.

I have a fantastic glare when I'm mad.

"I don't know what to say." He said, standing too. "But you really do have a temper."

"Only when I'm dealing with unreasonable and/or incompetent people ." He sighed.

"Alright. You can be that way, but it's a shame you know." I felt a sinking feeling, but I was much too proud to turn back...

"The shame of it all is that you don't see anything." I am most sensitive to the things he does.

He shrugged.

"I might see you at the range tomorrow. If I don't... enjoy the rest of your afternoon." And then he left.

I remained standing there a while longer, then I sank back to my sitting position on the bank. I was breathing hard - a mixture of anger, desperation, frustration, annoyance, regret and grief. All of this melted into an overwhelming depression that shook me to my core.

I hid my face in my hands.

"This is my life." I breathed. I sat there and thought, a dangerous thing to do...

How Cruel is Fate! To make me love him so much. It's irrational. What can I do? He is beyond me. Hopeless. Maybe I should tell him everything. Confess my love... But that would be foolish. If he were to be adverse to my love then our friendship that seems to be, sometimes, so frail would shatter entirely. What can i do? Is there anything within my capabilities? I just don't know. And that is the worst, not knowing... If only I had the answer. If only I were sure. But I am not. Lost ! So hopelessly lost... Oftentimes, I feel the strangest sense that I am going to burst at the seems - and all of this mad love will spill onto the earth and then that would be the end. I often dream of an end.

...a dangerous thing, thinking.

"Vera!" I hear. Anira. She's standing by me. "What's the matter? What happened?" But she can guess.

"We had an argument. He insulted me... It's so ridiculous. I should have laughed at it, but I couldn't! He angers me beyond reason and I love him still. I don't understand."

"He angers you because you love him." She said softly. "I see you like this and it frightens me. At least look at me." I let my hands fall and find it very difficult to get to my feet. Ani looked very alarmed. "Vera dear, how long has it been since he left?"

"I don't know ten minutes maybe." I said in a strange sounding voice. Ani looked so concerned I frowned. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You don;t look yourself. You look as though a shadow consumes you. Come on!" She said firmly. "Come on! We're going to go to that play Hera and all of those girls are putting on. I heard it's a comedy. You could use a comedy." She took ahold of my hand and we were walking.

"Hera loves Legolas, did you know that?" I said in that same strange voice. Ani scowled furiously.

"Hera is stupid."

"All the same - she's blonde. I know Legolas probably likes that... and everyone likes her anyways. She has a personality that-"

"All of the uppity cute gils have. Yes, I know it's so generic. I'm blonde and Legolas has yet to woo me. Stop being difficult."

"I'm simply stating facts."

"You're looking for reasons to be miserable. Please Vera, just stop trying so hard. Just stop thinking a while... You know? This play is going to be _fun_. Trust me.''

"Alright."

It was an outdoor theatre, of course, and mostly full by the time we sat down. As the players began their scenes I slipped into a state of indifference, and almost laughed a bit in the first act.

Thinking is such a very dangerous thing.

By the second act I was in stitches with the rest of the crowd. Legolas was not in my the end of the play our argument didn't matter, and my love did not afflict me as much as it had been.

Anira and I ate dinner together and our conversation was not about my troubles - but about how delicious the roasted lamb was. And about how Hera had almost tripped over a pile of pears on the stage. (Why was there a pile of pears on the stage anyway?)

Distractions and reprieve are always good.

I went to bed a very happy girl that night, and I dreamt no dreams. My mind was so taxed...

I woke up to the brilliantly golden light of the sun shining in on me and felt wonderful. I reflected on how strange it is that one's mood can so easily fluctuate between utter despair and sheer bliss. People are strange.


	3. Chapter 3

I wore my red-satin gown. It seemed a happy color, and because yesterday had been such a downer I hoped that my favorite dress would somehow help make today better. I piled my hair on top of my head, holding it up with gold pins, and hurried down to the dining hall.

All of breakfast I looked for him, but he wasn't there. Anira sat across from me.

"Sleep well?" She muttered. I raised an eyebrow.

"Yes... why do you look so tired?"

"I was up reading." I nodded. She was a big reader.

"What on your schedule for the day?"

"I've got to work you know." She didn't seem too enthusiastic. Ani was the top-baker for the Hall, and was probably the greatest pastry chef in Middle earth.

"Oh that's right! I'm going to the range... But I guess I'll see you after dinner?" She nodded.

"We're making cupcakes... I'll save one for you. Raspberry?" I smiled.

"This is why we're best friends love." She smiled.

"Right. Have fun shooting things." Then she left. I finished my toast and went to get my bow and arrows.

The range was practically empty when I got there, which was fine.

I took out my things. My bow was a dark, rich brown and well lacquered. It was my darling. I tapped the string. Perfect. My arrows were fletched with crimson feathers and upon feeling them I realized how much I had missed my them.

I was just stringing an arrow when I heard a familiar voice.

"Verya!" My full name. Most called me Vera... I turned.

"Thalion, good morning." He was approaching me, smiling. He was looking especially attractive today...

"Shooting I see." He said now very close. "You've not been here in such a long time I hope you haven't lost your skill." I smirked, turned, took aim and let fly. Of course my arrow hit the center of the rings. I turned back to him smiling hugely. Shooting was my thing.

"I think I'm alright."

"You're fantastic." He said sincerely. That seemed a bit much though, and I felt his eyes on me. I shuffled a bit.

"Thank you. Erm - and what are you practicing today?"

"I was going to have some swordplay with Calanon." He said shrugging. "He's not here yet... Have you had breakfast?" Wow.

"Yes, I have. I don't have long here before I'm needed back in the Hall." A lie, but he was starting to bother me.

"You know," He said taking a step closer. "Your hair shines golden brown in the sun. It's most - "

"Vera!" A voice rang out. Thalion turned and I felt a great weight lift from me. "You're here!" It was Legolas.

"Yes." I said, very happy that he had interrupted. He was next to us then.

"Thalion man, Calanon's stretching down on the field."

"Right. I'm gonna slaughter him." He laughed, shoving Legolas.

... Men.

"Good luck!" I interjected. He smiled widely at me.

"Thanks. I'll see you at lunch Vera." Then he was gone. I saw Legolas was smiling a mischievous kind of smile.

"What?" I smiled.

"So you and Thalion huh?" I laughed.

"Please! I haven't any interest in him."

"How can you not?" He asked taking out his bow. "He's the most decorated warrior in the land. A hero. Just look at him!"

"What can I say? I'm not attracted to him." He threw me a glance.

"Who are you attracted to?" I stared at him.

"Legolas, do you really think I'd tell you?"

"Vera, it's just me. We're good enough friends to talk about these things."

These words made me very happy. The "We're good enough friends" part especially. I just smiled.

"No, I think I'll keep it a secret."

" Is it Beriadan?" I rolled my eyes.

"There's no use, I'm not going to tell you." He looked at me very strangley then.

"I think - well alright... Let's shoot huh?" I strung another arrow.

"Yes, let's! I say contest! Whoever loses has to make three new arrows for the winner. Fair?" He nodded.

"Sure." He strung his bow and stared at me rather distantly.

"Uh - am I first?" He just nodded. I felt a twinge of paranoia. "Alright." I turned and aimed. I breathed extra slow to calm my strangely fast heartbeat. I let the arrow fly - second ring. Damn. I turned to him expecting taunting but there was no reaction. He aimed and shot. Dead center. I frowned. "Best of five, or..?"

"I have to meet my father at nine, so best of three." I felt that strange twinge of paranoia and shook my head.

Focus. But then I froze . Of course! I could hear the gears of my mind clink into place.

He had the idea that I was attracted to him, because I would not answer his question before. Now, with this in his head, he was begining to put that suspicious between us. I had to remedy this unwanted situation before anything came of it.

"Fine." I said in a very blase voice. "It's Beriadan." I felt the tension dissipate immediately and let fly my arrow.

Dead center.

"Really?" He asked, sounding excited. "I thought so, you're always with him when you go riding." He shot. Second ring. He was distracted. "Are you going to tell him?"

I answered as though we were talking about my feelings for Legolas.

"No I don't think so. What if it's unrequited?"

"Oh what if! It can't hurt to chance it."

"It might mean the end of a friendship. I'd rather have him as my friend than nothing."

"And what if he secretly loves you?" He asked, insistent. "You never know till you try."

"Don't you go saying anything to him!" He laughed.

"I won't, I won't! I'm a better friend than that." My heart lept.

Are you?

"Good." I said smiling. "Now can we get back to our match?"

"No! I'm distracted. It wouldn't be fair. You should tell him."

"Legolas, please! He has shown no interest for my love, and besides - a woman shouldn't have to make the first move, I don't think."

"You could hint to him."

"Could, would, should. I'd really rather not." Legolas slung his bow and quiver over his shoulder.

"As you will. But I think Beriadan might really like you."

"Oh?" I asked, packing up my things."Why do you think that?"

"Well you two are friends, and I know he thinks you're beautiful." My heart skipped a couple beats and I felt the oddest feeling that I was floating. Those last two words had sliced a great hole in my stream of thought and I stood there struck dumb.

"Really?" I managed. Legolas went on, not having noticed my being stricken.

"He's mentioned it. You should know anyway. That's a good color on you." I snapped back and shrugged a bit.

"Thank you." I said dismissively. I should be a actress. "Now I believe you have an appointment with your father, and I ave a date with a couple of clouds on a hill." He smiled.

"Alright, I'll see you sometime." And he left.

I practically skipped to my hill and was positivley giddy when I flung myself down of the grass.

First: I was delighted with how clever I had been - making him think I liked someone else... A smart move, I thought, to keep him off my trail. It's easy to be friends with someone of the opposite sex if you are not preoccupied in wondering whether or not they are infatuated with you. I knew about that first hand from my dealings with Thalion...

Second: Legolas and his excitement in our conversation. I enjoyed it, though it was lies... He said this red was a good color on me. And then the bit about how Beriadan thinks I'm beautiful and Legolas had said I should know...

Wonderful, Wonderful.

Amazing how one day can be atrocious and the next: Wonderful Wonderful.

I was beaming as I watched the clouds roll along through the heavens. A beautiful day, indeed. And, to make it all better, there was a raspberry cupcake waiting for me back in the Hall.

Good stuff.

I closed my eyes and felt the sun against my skin. A pleasant feeling.

What a world.


	4. Chapter 4

As I was licking the bit of icing left on one of my fingers Ani leaned across the table and stared into my eyes.

"I think all of that was wasteful."

"What?" I asked, confused.

"You lie to him that you love someone else? Foolish."

"No, you see he was suspecting by our conversation that I wouldn't tell him because it was im that I loved - I didn't want him to suspect that and I, yes I lied... but out of necessity!"

"Not necessity! Cowardice. What would it have hurt to tell him? This is all so frustrating Vera." I frowned.

"You think? Imagine how it is for me. I would rather strengthen our friendship until... I want him to be as good a friend to me as you are. This secret I told him will help strengthen our friendship anyway."

"A secret **lie**."

"Ani what would you have me do? It is what it is."

"I would like to see you tell him your heart. Who knows Vera, you might be surprised. And that might be your only option in the end - with him thinking you don't have any interest in him why would he approach you with his feelings?" A valid agrument. I just shook my head.

"This is too much."

"See what a lie does? You're all tangled up now."

"Alright!" I snapped. I knew she was right. "I'll see you at dinner ." And I left.

I went out the main doors and started down a path into the wood. I walked for an hour, perhaps, thinking. No heavy thoughts, only trifles: Gandalf was coming next week, he was always fun. There were whispers that Aragorn would be with him. It had been quite some time since I had seen him last, in Rivendell. Trifles.

Then there was a horrifying screech and I turned, realizing that I was not on the path. I froze.

I turned and to my great dismay there were somewhere along the lines of 37 great spiders in the trees and on the ground, closing in, making a circle around me.

Great spiders never attack elves...

There was one gap in the direction I had been walking - Instantly, I spun and flew as fast as I could manage. I heard them take up the chase behind me.

How ridiculous, I thought. Of course I had brought no weapon on what I had intended to be a pleasant walk under the trees... I would be hard pressed to cut them all down anyway, there were so many.

I stumbled over a hole that had been covered by leaves and let slip a cry of alarm. I heard a mighty hiss of delight and I pushed myself forward. What an unfortunate situation, running from spiders. Spiders! I shuddered as I tore through the trees.

I hated spiders.

I ran and ran for what seemed an age before I heard them no more. Finally I slowed and tunred to see that they had let off. I took a steadying breath and sunk down to rest a while.

It was dark.

I lept to my feet and ran back the way I had come, veering as far east as I could manage before the trees became too dense. I ran until I found the elf-path again and then I breathed a sigh of relief. Spiders ruied a lot of things. (If we didn't have them lurking around our woods we might have more friendly visitors) Either way, I felt much safer back on the well lit path and I walked back to the Hall, feeling very tired.

I was almost to the gate when a group of elves on horsbakc came storming through heading towards the forrest. I lept back to avoid them but they drew up their horses and stopped in front of me.

"Verya!" I saw Thalion leap from his horse and walked over to me. "We were on our way to search for you." I felt a surge of pleasure at this. Legolas had dismounted and was standing next to me now.

"Where were you?" He asked, looking so very concerned. I resisted the urge to smile.

"Spiders, can you imagine? I was walking and they were on me. I ran until they let off but... It was quite the night." Thalion spoke then.

"Anira was asking everyone whether they'd seen you and when dinner was over we were all starting to worry. Around nine o'clock the whole Hall was in an uproar. There was talk of Goblins and even the Necromancer..."

"Only spiders. Nearly forty of them."

"Forty?" Legolas exclaimed. "That's mad! Are you hurt at all?"

"Just a few gashes from tree branches..."I realized then that I was completley exhausted. "I'm alive though - and if you gentlemen would excuse me, I think I am in need of some sleep." They nodded all around.

"I'll walk you in." Thalion insisted, much to my annoyance. I saw Legolas smile slightly as he and the others turned to take the horses back.

As soon as we entered the Hall Thalion made the announcement that I was fine and there were many questions coming at us.

"Tell them won't you? I really need to go sleep." And I slipped away from him, leaving him with the many inquiring elves.

I smiled to myself as I made my way to my room. It was nice to know that I had been missed.

I opened the door to my room and heard a cry.

"Vera!" Anira lept from my window seat and ran to me. "What happened? Where were you?" I closed the door and turned to her smiling.

"Spiders. 37 of the things. Chased me well into the night." She gasped.

"That's awful!"

"I know." I fell into a chair. "I see people noticed my absence." She nodded.

"There was quite the commotion. And Vera -" She suddenley broke into a huge smile. "You should have seen Legolas."

"What?" I asked, my heartbeat quickening. "Why?"

"Oh! Well all dinner I was getting more and more distressed and no one had seen you right? Well I started getting really worked up and the King said to me 'Give it some time, she may show up still and then all of this worry will have been for naught.' Any other day this would have made sense but I had a feeling."

"Good for you dear, but what about Legolas?" She laughed.

"Well it was around eight o'clock and dinner was well finished and I went to him and told him my fears. Everyone knew but I made my argument to him directly. Oh Vera!"

"What?" I demanded. She was really drawing this out.

"He was so worried Vera! He was all in a bother and pacing up and down the dining hall. By nine all of the elves in the Hall were sure you had been captured or killed and everyone was talking. Legolas was all worked up and I don't know if I would describe him as sacred... but fearful. He was so concerned for you. More than anyone, except me of course. It was sweet." I smiled.

"This is fantastic news. You know I met them when they were just riding out. He did look concerned, and Ani..." I was overly giddy. "What a night! Thank goodness for murderous spiders, hmm?" She rolled her eyes.

"Sure. Now - you need a bath dear." I laughed.

"I know! And then I need sleep. I'm so tired..." She lept up and walked to the door.

"Well I'll let you to your hot water and warm bed. Goodnight Vera."

"Goodnight." I said as she closed the door.

And as I washed my tired body I mused.

Ah, Legolas! What would you have done if I had been dead? Realized how important I really am in your life, perhaps? Realized what I really meant to you?

I fell onto the soft feather bed and closed my eyes, a smile on my lips.

Maybe all of these thoughts were in his mind too, and maybe he was starting to think about Verya a bit more...

Either way, it had been a good day.

It's amazing how things have a way of working out.


	5. Chapter 5

I would like say that name Verya is elvish, for anyone wondering... (;

thanks for the reviews so far my friends, and if you have any more advice/input for me it would be most welcome.

and thanks for reading so far! i hope you are enjoying youraelf at least a bit... :)

_..._

_...was standing in the Hall and all around me there were people, elves. Everyone knew something of teh gravest sorts, but they kept about their business. What else could they do?..._

_I was at the archery range and there were many of us shooting. Center ring, center ring. _

_Where was Legolas?_

_My heart sank and my mind exploded as I knew. I knew in my soul what had happened. Legolas was dead._

_I knew with all of me, to the core of my being that he was dead. The most terrible truth.  
_

_I dropped my precious bow and let slip my arrows. They longer mattered. What could matter ever again?_

_I turned and was floating, it seemed, to the Elvenking's Hall. Thranduil was outside the main gates - just staring off. He looked lost. So helplessly lost._

_I passed him and was standing in Legolas's room. All of his clothes were folded and stacked on the were pointless now._

_ All of the sheets and blankets were off of his bed. There was no need for them. He would never sleep there again._

_It was **too **real. To awful._

_He was gone. _

_Never would he breathe the sweet air of the Forrest again. I would never see him smile again._

_There was a breaking inside of me, and it was the most dangerous feeling I had ever experienced._

_Before me now I saw his death._

_He was standing in battle, letting fly arrows. There were Goblins and they had swords and spears and black teeth. He drew his blade and was cutting them down left and right._

_But there were too many. It had been an ambush._

_He was alone... hunting spiders._

_An entire army of the foul creatures fell upon him. There was nothing to be done._

_His throat was slashed open and the blood spilled from him._

_I screamed and I saw the vision no longer._

_I stood in his room and screamed and I sobbed and threw myself at the walls._

_Never had a creature known such wretched misery. The feeling of my heart decaying. The feeling of my soul melting. _

_My mind was broken._

_Guilt and the greatest loss coursed through my veins._

_I was broken._

_I could not imagine that he would not walk beneath the light of the heavens again._

_I was alone._

_More alone than any being had ever been before._

_I was wretched._

_I fell to the ground and breathed in the faint dust of the floor as I gasped for breath between my broken sobs._

_I was broken._

_There was only one thing to be done._

_I struggled to my feet and felt the strength and life in my body slip away. I was nothing._

_I went to the window and looked out on Middle Earth._

_I saw all of the world and all of the life._

_It was raining._

_I stepped onto the ledge and fell out of the window. Down down down I fell to the earth and upon impact -_

I woke up._  
_

I woke with the most violent start imaginable.

Gasping for breath I clutched at myself.

"A Dream!" I whispered in a mad voice. "A dream."

Never had I dreamt a more terrible dream: the worst nightmare ever had in the history of sleep, I am sure.

I trembled as I cried softly in the pale light of morning.

What a dream.

It had seemed so very real. So horribly real.

I dried my eyes and dragged my unwilling body out of bed. As I got ready for the day I was trapped in my thoughts.

If he ever did die that is what would happen.

A world void of Legolas... I could not live in it. How true.

These realizations broke me.

I knew then that even if he hated me. Even if he left and I never saw him again so long as I lived... none of it would matter. So long as he's living.

It doesn't matter if he never loves me so long as he's living.

So long as he's living.

As long as he lives.

That's all.

I knew in my very soul the truth of my understanding and felt a great comfort. Knowing is always better than not knowing. And I knew that this was real, my love.

It was my greatest revelation. I'm not sure if I can really convey the gravity of it to you...

What a dream.


End file.
